I originally created this blog so that friends and family could keep up with what's going on with us from far away. I did ok for a while, but then I got a job, and then we bought a house, and then we started a massive remodeling project, and then - SURPRISE! - I was pregnant. It's been one hell of a year (or two). Every now and then I get mad at myself for not keeping this blog updated. After all, I was hoping it would sort of act as a "living baby book" for Natalie. But, then I remind myself that I've been super busy, and actually living in the moment, trying to enjoy it, rather than trying to remember to blog about it.
Anyways, I just read a mother's birth story on one of the many blogs I follow these days, and it inspired me to get Natalie's birth story down before those memories start to blur and I can't recount the details. I'm going to write it as a story for Natalie. Here goes...
I think about the series of events leading up to your birth almost every single day. Mostly because I can't believe it's been 16 weeks already (STOP GROWING!) but also because it was the best weekend of my life. And I often wish I could go back and do it all over again, so that I could re-live those moments and savor every. single. second. Sure, it was uncomfortable, painful, scary, overwhelming, and exhausting - but it was also exciting and surreal.
That weekend was going to be the first weekend of nice weather here in Michigan. That Friday I went out to lunch with my new neighbor friend, Sheila, who had just moved in next door (she was also pregnant, with twin girls!). We sat outside, talked about our pregnancies, what we were ready for, what we were scared about, etc. She was only halfway through her pregnancy, and was on bed rest. I was due that Tuesday, May 24, and was doing anything but resting! I had a very long "To Do Before Baby" list and had been working feverishly to get as much done as I could before your arrival. I saw my doctor earlier that week, and she told me "in my experience, women who are feeling impatient are usually late, and women who want more time are usually early." I was sort of uncomfortable, and hadn't been sleeping more than a few hours at night for over a month, but I wasn't in a huge hurry to evacuate you just yet :) I had a linen closet to organize, and a garage to clean out! haha! (but seriously, those were the last few things on my To Do list).
We spent that Friday night just hanging out at home. I remember feeling some weird back pains that evening, but I just chalked it up to the usual lower-back pain I'd been experiencing lately. I also remember saying something to your daddy about how I was feeling more pressure "down there" lately, and even joked about you falling out... :)
38 weeks + 3 days pregnant (one week before my water broke)
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| your brother Finny loved you even before you were born (that blue thing is my belly!) |
Saturday morning started like any normal Saturday morning at that time for your daddy and I. We got up around 7am and walked downtown with Finn & Murphy to our favorite coffee place. It was a beautiful morning, and I remember saying (as I had already said a few times earlier that week) that I just wanted to make it through the weekend, because I didn't want to spend the first nice weekend of the summer cooped up inside a hospital! I even said Sunday would be OK, because it was supposed to be cloudy and a chance of rain. But I didn't want to miss out on a warm, sunny Saturday afternoon :)
We walked home with coffee in hand, and I remember feeling so content and grateful that morning. And motivated to get my garage cleaned out. I had been stock-piling all of the cans & bottles from the entire winter (there were a LOT of ginger ale cans, thanks to 7 months of nausea I experienced during my pregnancy). Our neighbor's daughter, Jillian, was having a can & bottle drive for her girl scout troop, and the proceeds were going to help the Humane Society. It was a great reason to get rid of the bottles and cans, get my garage cleaned up, help a neighbor's cause, and also help out animals. A win-win-win situation, if you ask me. Your daddy left to go to the gym, and I got to work on the garage. It was getting pretty warm & sunny, but it wasn't bothering me too much. At one point during my cleaning frenzy, your grandma Kathy called me. I told her what I was doing, and again said "I just want to make it through the day today, because it's so beautiful outside!"
I got all of the cans & bottles boxed/bagged up, and carried them over to the neighbor's house. Our neighbor from across the street, Lisa, stopped over with her kids while I was finishing up, and she was asking how I was feeling, when I was due, etc. I said the same thing to her about wanting to just enjoy the nice weekend. And then I said it again to our other neighbors Bob & Alison. I was convinced I would go at least a few days late.
I hosed out all of the recycling bins, and left them out on the driveway to dry in the sunshine. Just as I was finishing up, your daddy got home from the gym. He asked what I was doing with all of the recycling bins. I told him I was going to leave them there while I took a shower and ate lunch, and then I'd go back out and put everything away & turn off the hose. We both went inside, took showers, and made lunch (an egg scramble/omelette with red & yellow peppers, onions, and toast. yum). We sat on the couch, eating our lunch & watching TV, discussing what we were going to do that afternoon.
And then, while sitting on the couch eating my lunch, I suddenly felt something warm "down there" - it wasn't a big gush or anything, so I wasn't really sure what to think. I went into the bathroom, and found my underwear were wet. I wasn't sure what to think, but figured maybe it was just because I'd taken a shower or something. Weird stuff happens to your body when you are pregnant, so I didn't know what to think. I remember walking out of the bathroom with my underwear in my hands, and said to your daddy "ummmm...I'm not sure what just happened..." He got a BIG smile on his face and said "maybe it's time" which is what he had been saying for weeks now, whenever I'd have a back pain or cramp or hiccup. He was just a little excited :)
I decided it was probably nothing, and put on a new pair of underwear and sat down on the couch to finish my lunch. I hadn't felt any other signs or symptoms of labor, so I didn't worry about it too much. And then, about 5 minutes later, it happened again. Another warm, wet spot. This time I wasn't so sure it was nothing. I talked about it with your daddy for a few minutes, and then decided to text message Dana, one of the only friends I know of whose water broke at home, naturally. I thought I'd see what she had to say about it - was it a big gush? Did she have other signs of labor or pain? She immediately texted me back "WHY?!?!?!?" and then called me to discuss. She shared her experiences with me, and kept telling me over and over again that I should at least call my doctor, just to be on the safe side. We talked for about 10 minutes, and I kept saying "I just don't want to bother the doctor on call for nothing, especially on such a beautiful day." And when we were about to get off the phone, I still wasn't convinced to call. But then Dana said one more time "just call the doctor to be on the safe side; you don't want to risk getting an infection or something." So, I decided to call the doctor's office. As it turns out, the doctor on call that afternoon was Dr. Afshar, who is one of my favorites out of all 7 of the doctors in the practice. She called me back, and said that I should go to the hospital, into triage, and get checked, just to make sure. She said they would be able to do a quick test to tell me if my water had broken, and if it hadn't, they'd send me home. I specifically remember asking "when do I have to go? Can I wait a few hours, or do I have to go in now?" (I was wondering if I could enjoy the rest of the sunny afternoon and go in later that evening after the sun had set). She said I needed to go sooner than later, because she had to file some paperwork based on my call.
Your daddy and I were very excited to meet you, don't get me wrong, but we hadn't gotten everything ready yet. I had a bag packed for the dogs for weeks, but still didn't have my hospital bag packed, and we hadn't installed the car seat in either of the cars yet! Your daddy suggested that maybe we should get the car seat installed first "just in case" and I agreed. So he got that car seat base installed in his car while I got my hospital bag packed. The whole time I was getting prepared to leave, I didn't believe that anything was happening. I was convinced that this was a false alarm, and that we would be coming home later that day. So I just sort of threw things into my bag (I did have most of it set out ahead of time, just waiting to be packed into my bag). I said a quick goodbye to the dogs, and said "see you in a little bit" as we walked out the door. I didn't think it was the last time I'd be seeing them before bringing you home! (the fact that I "didn't get to say goodbye to the dogs properly" was a really big deal to me later on that day...hahaha!)
Your dad and I drove to the hospital. He put on some music that he had downloaded earlier that week specifically for this big day. I think it was The Grateful Dead. I remember saying something like "what if this is for real?! What if this is it?!" I still couldn't believe it was really happening.
We casually walked into the triage, and checked in. The nurse asked me a bunch of questions, including "have you been having any contractions?" I said I didn't think so, but that I wasn't entirely sure - I'd never had a baby before, so I didn't know what it felt like! They hooked me up to a belly monitor, and the doctor came in to do a test to see if my water had broken. She made a comment that made it sound like it was a false alarm, but said they had to look under a microscope first to be sure. Again, I was thinking in my head that this was a false alarm. And then the nurse and doctor came back in and said "well, looks like you won't be leaving here until you have a baby!" I was shocked. The nurse then informed me that since I had been hooked up to the belly monitor, I'd been having regular contractions as close as 3 minutes apart! She said that the back pain that I'd mentioned feeling on Friday night was probably the start of labor, but that because the contractions weren't very productive, I didn't realize it! I asked if I could make a quick phone call to my mom (your grandma Kristie) - and then I started crying. I was nervous, excited, scared, and totally shocked. I though for sure I'd be late, and never expected to be going a few days early. *and this is also when I got very upset about not getting to say a "proper goodbye" to Finn & Murphy before leaving the house.
I was wheeled to my delivery room, hooked up to an IV for fluids, and told to get ready for what could be a long evening. I wasn't dilated, and my contractions weren't productive, but they were close together. So they decided to give me some pitocin to see if they could make my contractions more productive (to get my cervix open). Around this time your daddy went home to take your furry brother & sister to doggy daycare, where they would be staying for a few days while we were in the hospital. The nurse told him he could take his time, that this was going to be a long process. He picked up some dinner for himself (I wasn't allowed to eat after being admitted - only jello, apple juice, ice chips and popsicles from that point forward!). He also bought me some magazines and a book. The poor guy was pretty sick with a bad head cold during that time, so he also picked up some cold medicine for himself (this will come into play later on in the birth story).
Things were pretty easy for a few hours - I was in good spirits, and wasn't really feeling any pain. Daddy and I tried to watch TV and read magazines to keep ourselves entertained. And then, slowly but surely, the pain started creeping into my back. It started out as just a slight back cramp as each contraction came and went. But then it got more intense, until it was unbearable. The resident came in to check me to see if I was ready for an epidural, but I wasn't dilated enough (I couldn't get an epidural until I was 4 cm). I think I was only 1.5 cm at that point. So they gave me a pain reliever IV that they said would last for about 2 hours. They said I would still feel the contractions, but that the drug would make me feel drunk, so I wouldn't care about the pain. They were right about one thing: it did make me feel drunk. And I know I "drunk-dialed" my mom at one point to tell her I was doing ok, but I don't remember what I said. I do remember having to put the phone down every time I had a contraction, because the pain was too intense and I couldn't talk through the contraction. Then, about 1 hour and 30 minutes into that IV, things got bad. I was having "back labor" and the pain was INTENSE. I was shaking uncontrollably (which the doctor said was my body's reaction to pain) and they thought that you might be "sunny side up." I was ready for an epidural, so your daddy called the nurse and told her I needed it as soon as possible. The resident had to come in first to make sure I was dilated enough, and once that was confirmed it was a waiting game. I had no idea it would take so long for the anesthesiologist to get there, and by the time he showed up, it had been almost an hour (which felt like a lifetime) of horrible back labor. Your daddy was so wonderful during this time; he got me ice chips and told me I was doing a good job, but he wasn't too in my face. He was the perfect mix of supportive and giving me my space :)
During the months leading up to your birth, I wasn't sure if I wanted an epidural. I am not a fan of needles, and the idea of someone putting a giant needle into my spine was super scary to me. But, when the time came, all I could think about was relieving the horrible pain caused by the back labor I was experiencing. I wasn't concerned about the needle. I was more concerned with trying to stay still during excruciating contractions - which were less than 2 minutes apart at this point - and the uncontrollable shakes that had taken over my entire body. Your daddy was amazing during this process, too. They don't allow the daddy to stand up while the epidural is being administered; the nurse stood in front of me and your daddy sat next to her on a chair, touching my ankle so that I knew he was there with me. I get all choked up just writing this - your daddy was so amazing during my entire labor, and it made me love him even more than I thought I could after going through this with him. I am so lucky to have him as my husband.
Once the epidural kicked in (sometime after 1am), I was feeling much better. The nurse said it would be a few hours at least, because I was still only 4 cm dilated, so she urged your daddy and I to try to get some sleep. As I mentioned earlier, your daddy was pretty sick with a cold during all of this, so he took some cold medicine and got some sleep for a few hours. Turns out the cold meds he took were the night time meds, instead of the non-drowsy variety. So, as soon as he laid his head down on the super uncomfortable bench-like bed in the delivery room, he was out cold. And snoring. I, on the other hand, didn't get a wink of sleep. I was hooked up to a bunch of monitors & tubes, including a blood pressure cuff that took my blood pressure every 15 minutes. And they were slightly concerned about your heart rate, because it kept dropping (they figured it was from the lack of amniotic fluid, and thought it could be pressure on the umbilical chord). So every time your heart rate dropped, an alarm went off, and the nurse would rush in and have me shift in bed to see if it would help bring your heart rate back up. This went on for a few hours until, all of a sudden, I felt a big gush of fluid that coincided with a contraction, and then a really strong urge to go to the bathroom/push. This happened 2 or 3 times, and then I knew something was up & called for the nurse. She was super busy because there had been a huge influx of women in labor admitted since we got there (apparently this happens whenever there is a hot day, because pregnant women get dehydrated and then go into labor!) She called for Dr. Afshar, who had come in at some point during the night, and when she checked me she was shocked to see that I was fully dilated and basically crowning! The nurse got really excited and told me "this is it! you're going to have this baby and be in your room by 7am!" She went on to explain that since your head was basically crowning already, I would be spending a lot less time pushing than anticipated. You were going to be here SOON! It was go time.
I had my eyes closed during most of labor & delivery. I'm not sure why, but it helped me focus and breath and it seemed to be less painful if I had my eyes closed. We woke your daddy up (the poor guy was so groggy thanks to the cold meds!) and he started by standing next to my head. He would take the oxygen mask off when I pushed, and then put it back on my face in between contractions. I had to have someone hold each of my legs because my right leg was a "dead leg" from the epidural - I literally couldn't feel it or move it on my own! After some pushing, the doctor said that she could see your head - and that it was covered in dark hair! She asked your dad if he wanted to see, and he said yes. And then the med student who was holding my left leg asked if he wanted to get closer and to help hold my leg, and he said yes again! I was very surprised at how eager he was to be in on all the action, but also so happy. I, however, didn't want to see or touch anything - I just wanted to concentrate on pushing & breathing. I think I pushed less than 50 minutes total. I remember thinking at first that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I had imagined it would. The doctor kept saying "you're going to feel a lot of pressure and burning, but just breath through it." I didn't feel that intense burning until closer to the end, but I never thought about giving up. I had worked too hard and we were too close to the finish line! So I just kept my eyes closed and kept pushing - sometimes I'd get two whole pushes in during one single contraction. I was determined.
And then, at 5:47am on Sunday, May 22, you were born. Dr. Afshar had asked your daddy to announce if you were a boy or a girl, so she pulled you out, flipped you over, and much to my surprise, your daddy announced (with a huge smile on his face) "GIRL!!!" We were so happy. And so surprised. I was convinced you were a boy during my pregnancy, but I was thrilled to find out that you were indeed a little baby girl, so perfect and beautiful. You were rushed over to the table to my right, because there were some concerns that some waste might have been in your amniotic fluid. But after the fact the nurse said it looked good and everything looked perfect. You weighed 7 pounds, 7 oz, and measured 21 inches long (thanks to a small cone head).
As I lay on the bed after delivery, I looked over and saw you laying there under the heat light, and your daddy was standing there with his hands down at his side, just staring at you. I told your daddy that he could touch you - he hesitated, and looked at the nurse, who responded "absolutely! she's your daughter." It wasn't until that moment that it hit me: we have a
daughter. I didn't burst into tears when you were born. Instead, I just laid on the delivery bed (while the doctor was stitching me up...ouch) and watched your daddy look at you and talk to you. Once you were measured, checked out and swaddled up like a little baby burrito, he picked you up and brought you over to me. I was in awe. You were perfect. You looked SO MUCH like your daddy! You had his hair line, his eye lashes, his eye brows, his nose, his hands & feet, and even his ears.
You. Were. Perfect.
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| you looked so much like your daddy! |
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| In the delivery room, shortly after you were born |
We called our moms to tell them the good news. They were so excited; your grandma Kristie and Auntie HK were the only people who knew I was in labor, so they were waiting anxiously for the big news! Then we were moved into the room where we would be staying for a few days of recovery. The nurse gave you a sponge bath (which you were NOT happy about). And then I just held you and snuggled you and fed you and told you how happy I was that you were finally here.
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| Your first sponge bath |
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| Snuggling & getting to know each other |
The week that followed your birth was by far the very best week of my entire life. Your dad took time off of work, and we just spent time together as a family. I've said over and over during the last 16 weeks that I'd give anything to be able to go back and re-live that time with you & your daddy.
I am so blessed to have you and your daddy in my life. I love you both more than anything, and I can't wait to see what kind of child & young woman you grow up to be.
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| 1 day old |
